How am I being advised to move on from the husband I still love?

How am I being advised to move on from the husband I still love?

How am I being advised to move on from the husband I still love?



 Sometimes, no matter how badly you want your husband or your marriage, he makes it clear that he doesn’t believe you’re going to get one. Sometimes, it’s not as hard as you personally fight for your marriage, your wife or partner doesn’t fight with you. No matter how much we want to change things, the real issue is that it takes two people to stay married. Both have to agree. So when your spouse or partner tells you that it's time to move on, it can be felt that you have no choice but to comply. But the biggest question may be: How do you do it? How do you completely change your mindset, your lifestyle, and your expectations? It can feel like you are being asked to give up for what you have worked so hard for.


Someone might say, "My husband and I have been separated for about seven months. I can't say I'm surprised that my husband tells me it's time to move on. He didn't give me much hope throughout this process. We have very little. There have been times when things seemed a bit better, but it wouldn't last very long. Whenever he moved closer to me, it seemed like something could always pull him farther away. So last night, I asked him if we ever Whether he would go back together or not, he did not want to say no, but he told me that he thought it was time for me to move on. He is still alive with his sister's family. He helps to take care of his children after school instead of living somewhere. He seems to be completely satisfied so far. I am not satisfied myself. I am very dissatisfied with myself. This time I am looking for it. It was temporary. I told myself that if I could use this short timespan. I can believe it, but bet my husband's days will come when he wakes up. But it turns out that he will not come to his senses. And I don't know how to start my life without him. I’m definitely not going to file for divorce and he didn’t even mention it. But it seems that I hope to change my life completely now. How do I do this when I wake up tomorrow? How can I wake up tomorrow and live a life that does not include him? "


I don’t think you have to wake up tomorrow and change your lifestyle or your outlook completely. I faced a similar situation. I really wanted to reunite in my own marriage, but my husband basically told me it was a lost cause. I waited a very long time, but I began to realize that holding on to myself and not living my life was actually harmful to me. Still, I wasn’t ready to give up my marriage, so I didn’t. But all I did was stop there. In my mind and heart, I still didn’t want to save my marriage one day. However, I will no longer allow myself to be overwhelmed by my grief.


So I told myself that I would not go home straight from work every day. I started hanging out with colleagues or going out with friends. I am a volunteer. I took classes. I aim to keep myself as engaged in constructive work as possible - especially things that help other people or at least myself. I had to force myself at first, but the change in my focus and my isolated existence really helped my outlook over time.


I contacted my husband during this time and I never came out and said “I took your advice and moved on” It was probably clear that I was no longer waiting for his phone call or wasting my time. Look at me. I think, for a while, he doubted my new freedom or thought it was all an obscenity. But after it lasted for quite a decent time, he realized it was real and he actually started reaching out to me.


I never pretended that I was not interested in her or our marriage. He knew in that look that I had failed him. I don't date other people or pretend to want to. But I think it has become fairly obvious that I have a new priority on my own and being busy. In no way was I happier than to be married, but I was happier in this work than to mourn the state of my marriage. Time goes by fast and it makes me more outgoing and more excited. I believe my husband must have noticed this clearly because he was less afraid or reluctant to talk to me. In fact, my “going forward” really helped my marriage, even though that was not my intention at the time.

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